As a mother, a wife, business owner, boo-boo fixer, dog mommy, writer, publicist, daughter, sister, non-trained psychologist, temper-loser, impatient female, artist, Believer, hard-worker, loving, broken individual (and the list goes on), it has become apparent to me that life really is so short. I'm grateful for everyday I'm given. I truly am.
But, and it's a BIG but, it can be easy to slide past that gratefulness when life gets hold of you by the horns, drags you around the block a few times, crunches your "available" time like a pancake and makes you feel worn out.
That being said, life is good. I recently attended some training that was fairly intense and forced me to take a deeper look at myself over the 4 day period. It can be humbling at times to realize how imperfect each of us is. We go through life with our purposeful facades, trying to do anything and everything to appear as if we have it all together and in reality, we live in an imperfect world, with other imperfect people and it would help if we could give each other and ourselves a break.
We did an interesting exercise that has stuck with me. We were with a group of people that we'd only known for a few hours, maybe a day at most, and we had to clarify whether we saw them as a Giver or a Taker. This wasn't necessarily an indictment of us as people or the way we care for others, but it was an honest look at what we are putting out there, how we come across to others on a daily basis.
I can only speak for me but I often feel pulled in a million directions and find myself proclaiming (at least to myself) that I'm doing everything and I wish someone would do something for me for a change. Really? How selfish of me when I think about it. I was viewing myself as a giver. And I do try and give of myself always. I do it with no expectation of anything in return. At least I thought I did. But, by often not doing these things in the true spirit in my heart of giving without expecting anything in return, then am I really a Giver? or am I a Taker?
What really stood out to me is that I'm receiving every day and I'm not recognizing it. I get so caught up in my daily busy routine and seeing the dirty dishes on the counter or the garbage that still needs to go outside, that I'm missing things. What a shame!
None of us wants to admit we miss things. I know I don't but it's true. I want to say I'm fully aware each and every day but that wouldn't be true either. My 5 year old son starts kindergarten in August and I sit in amazement at how this happened? When did 5 years creep by so quickly? Our 1 1/2 year old daughter Ella is becoming a little person. Where did the baby go? Am I treasuring her touch each time she reaches out and grabs my arms unsolicited just to stare at me in the eyes and smile? Am I fully grasping Hayden's beautiful and truly loving personality each time he belts out from nowhere, "Mama?....I love you!?" Am i honestly embracing Dave each time I want to or am I getting caught up in the other stuff that needs to be done and putting that on the back burner?
Well, I'm challenging myself to "get it more." I don't want to be a Taker. I want to fully participate as a Giver. I really do. That means I need to have a paradigm shift. Life will still interfere, things will still happen, but life is still good. I have a great marriage, two gifts from God that wake us up each and every morning, more than a sufficient roof over my head and food on my table.
Whether I'm physically taking something or mentally taking instead of giving, I've had a wake up call. I'm sure I'll fall back to sleep at times but I want to live awake. Fully awake, fully aware, fully giving without expecting in return.
Wish me luck.
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